Krisztina Lőrinczi
As a trainer and coach giving feedback have been a big part of my life. (And as a mother of two teenagers, obviously as well). Most training participants dislike and even hate role-plays and situations where they have to see themselves in their own mirror. It is a real challenge and a great responsibility to introduce and facilitate such an exercise. I remember, a few years ago, 15 minutes before the start of training, one of the managers of my participants called me and said Krisz, please leave out all the role-play parts, my team members don’t like it…or you can do them, but 8 out of the 10 participants will refuse to do them…. What do you do in such a situation when 80% of that given training was designed, including a lot of feedback…?
When feedback is done well, this is the absolute best part of the training for them. I have read over 7000 training evaluations. Learning about our own strengths and areas of development is something that participants report as the most valuable part of training. How is it done well? I have observed many trainers and coaches giving feedback and gained my own view on what is considered good and great in the world of feedback.
What are the ingredients of great feedback?
First of all, it has to have a great intention. The leader or trainer who gives feedback has to know and share what their intention is. Obviously, a good intention should be positive and positively phrased. For example: “I would like to spend some time to talk about your performance because we as a company are counting on you long term as you are a great contributor.” Feedback has to be honest and genuine. It has to come from the heart. Every time I start feedback, I fully focus on the person, on the positive connection between us, and put all my other topics in a drawer that I lock for that time. The person giving feedback has to believe in the strengths of the Coachee which should be shared before the areas of improvement. I believe in the proportion of 5:1—sharing 5 strengths and one or at the most two areas of improvement. Of course, it has to sound natural and authentic. If it seems like a training method, the receiver will feel it, and in the end, there is more harm done than gain.
Emotional intelligence is one of the most important parts of feedback. Every single second there must be radar observing the receiver: what feelings am I am causing and accelerating? What is the impact? The initiator has to adjust his style, rhythm, intensity, and sometimes even the goal during the feedback. Maybe the goal was to share a performance gap, but during the coaching/feedback, it turns out that the receiver is lacking a sense of belonging, engagement, or even a vision. So the initiator has to include a pre-step. Other times, even more advancement can be achieved because the initiator realizes that the receiver is more open than assumed.
I found the combination of training and constant feedback in leadership development beneficial. Participants (existing or potential leaders) are getting used to the special combination of the two during the program “Assess to Select and Train to Achieve.” At the end of it, it becomes second nature which then is the base for so many further parts of their job. In my 19 years of work as a trainer and facilitator, I have not seen as many thankful pairs of eyes, and I have not heard as many commitments as at the end of our journey where they could really recognize what they should change if they want to achieve more. Our trainers give their maximum attention to how a great feedback conversation is made. It is a piece of art that has to be done with a lot of experience and care. In our Train, the Trainer certification is spent on fine-tuning those 35-40 ingredients that are needed to create a masterpiece of feedback. If you are interested, we are happy to discuss this fascinating topic with you!